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avril 7e, 2009

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03:21 pm - B.A.C.K.O.N.L.I.V.E.J.O.U.R.N.A.L. Here I am... 59 weeks that I haven't post anything on livejournal. When I think about it, my LJ was following me for years but when I read the past ones, it sounded like a borderline emo. So time for a big change! So, for the ones who didn't get any new from me... Well, I'm 26 now, I live in Amsterdam, and everything's fine :) Daddy sold the house, I've bought my Gretsch Country Gentleman guitar with. Elfie came 5 days to visit me, she will move in Canada in July, I'm really gonna miss her. But it was a cool week with her tho. I couldn't wish anything much perfect with her. We had good laugh and good times together. Saturday I'll fly to helsinki for 1 week, I will spend time with my nieces and nephew, my siter and my brother in law. And then? What's next? I think I'll go to New York City on July. I've always dreamt to be there, at least for tourism. I've bought a Xbox 360 and found new friends through a forum called gaymers, they are pretty cool. Tomorrow, back to work... that would be the first time that I would say I'm happy to go back there, my colleagues are really cool and friendly. Well ok... it's still a suckass job (call center), but it's better than nothing, especially on theses time with the economy crisis. I envy so much Elfie... she's gonna move to Canada! In Montreal! It's 2 hours flight from NYC, and she will leave europe... She told me that I can try either, this idea is still running in my head, but I have to save some money for. I'll try to visit daddy and my family in august I think. Didn't I tell you guys that I found back my family and we really get along? Especially my haunt Nathalie, but I knew that she would be cool with me. She used to be my "best friend" when I was a kid, and we're now much closer than we ever were. The sky is a bit cloudy today but I can say... I'm happy :) Humeur actuelle: happy Musique actuelle: Girls in Hawaii - Found in the ground

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février 18e, 2008

11:24 am Hi everyone, I won't update this livejournal anymore, I've created a new one on cracklinwater. Hope to read you soon on the new one !

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octobre 21e, 2007

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01:27 pm - I.'.v.e.c.h.a.n.g.e.d.m.y.l.o.o.k. Oh and I've forgotten. A new picture of me : Humeur actuelle: amused Musique actuelle: PJ Harvey - White Chalk

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01:17 pm - n.o.t.h.i.n.g.m.u.c.h. I didn't post there for ages. So first, I'm fine ! I'm actually living in the 11th district of paris, near Bastille. Actually, i'm not working. I've worked for starbucks 5 months, but i was enough for me. I can't stand this kinda compagnies who don't give a shit of who you are, how you work, taking unfair advantage of you, treating you like shit... Anyway, it was a great relief to quit. I have a job interview on monday, guess that it would be better, they seem to be cooler than Starbucks. Not really hard, by the way. I've met a guy on a chat called Michael, he's 42 and living in Boston. He's such a great guy, too bad that he's so far away, cause for the first time, i have the feeling that a guy takes care about me, he really does. This time I'm really into Resident Evil's video games, it rocks. I've finished the first one, third one, fourth one and Code Veronica X's one. I have to find the second one, I will have a look around the video games stores. The 5th episod will be out on 2008, or maybe in 2009 cause Capcom was accused of racism because the story take place in Africa, and of course, the zombies & bad guys are black. So we'll see, they have to remake it. Hope that everyone who reads me are allright. Yesterday, it was dad's birthday. He's gonna sell our house. I find it's a good idea for him, he's suffering to stay in Amiens, I'm really waiting that he will moves near Toulouse for his retirement, he will be in a nice play, quiet, all that he needs ! Humeur actuelle: calm Musique actuelle: Joy Division - She lost control

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octobre 26e, 2006

11:43 am I get so much stuff do to this week... Fortunately, it helps me to not think too much to Benjamin. I'm gonna move in the 15th district of Paris. People at my work have the kindness to give me box for my house moving, it will be useful for my 200 CDs. I'm gonna move in a huge flat, sharing it with Kathlene, Guillaume's girlfriend. She's lovely, fun and a little bit crazy. On Sunday, I'll be back in Amiens to take my bed and desk to Paris : it's gonna be a real mess ! Elfie is actally in States for few times. She met a medium who learnt her a lotta things : she can speak with dead people's spirit... I dunno why, but she asked me my mother's name and my birthday. I'm sure that she tried to something tonight. I dunno if I should call ben today...Do I have to wait that HE calls me ? Current Location: @work Humeur actuelle: uncomfortable Musique actuelle: PJ Harvey - It's you

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11:01 am - y.o.u.r.l.o.v.e.i.s.a.d.e.s.e.r.t.e.r. It's weird how you can feel a person after few times that you spent with. On July, I was hanging on the phone with a customer at work. He got trouble with his mobile and I've tried to resolved it. He looked friendly and asked me if I would go to the apple expo in Paris, I've told him probably, yeah, it could be a great idea. After then, he asked me if I wanted to see him there, why not after all. I was guessing that he could became a friend, nothing else. Time passed and he sent me a lot of messages on my mobile, like he wanted to know me more. But each time that he was trying to call me or to write me, I was out with Xavier in le marais or other gays friends ; I didn't tell him that I am, cause I supposed that it wasn't his business. And a sunday, after a party called "La tapette en bois" (a funny gay pop party in Le tango's tea dance), I've spoken with him on msn. We've spoken about a lot of things, about music (he's DJ and sound ingeneer for gigs and rock club party), about our taste and where we go out to dance. I've told him : Me : I was in a gay party at Le Tango, it was so boring. Him : Why ? You're gay, aren't you ? Me : huh ? Which reason can tell you that I am ? Him : Well, i dunno a lotta straight guys who slept at their exgirlfriend's flat, and you get a lotta gay friends, and you go in gay party, when you speak about your ex, you never told if it's "he" or "she"... Me : It's not enough to think that I'm gay. Him : Yeah... probably... so what's your ex's name ? Me : Xavier. Him : Okay. My ex's name is Matthieu. And so, we've spoken more and more. And so, seduction came between us, he was surprised to speak with "a guy like me" that he "never speak & meet before". He really wanted to see me as soon as possible, so he came from Luxemburg to Paris to meet me. At first sight, we were absolutely stress. I was guessing that I wasn't his kind of guy but I was wrong : he was just shy, nervous. We tried to park the car, searching a place for 1 hour, and we went back in my flat, watching "dead like me", drinking tequila, laughing, speaking...... and kissing. He passed 3 days in Paris, it was amazing. He was happy and I was too. When he goes back to his home, he didn't stop crying in his car on the road. A week passed, we called each other every day, everything was fine. He was supposed to come a Thursday but he cancelled cause he got too much work. He promised to come next week. Next week, same things, so he promises to come on Sunday. He spoke about his ex boyfriend who seems to be a real bastard (cuckold him each time he can, didn't bring him a lotta love...). On Sunday, 17 PM. No calls. So I picked up my phone : Me : Hi honey. How are you ? Him : A little bit tired, I'm waking up. And you sweetheart ? Me : Fine... you still didn't call me to tell me which hour will you be in Paris ? Him : Well... you probably be angry to know that... but I can't come... cause I don't want to... Then he explained me that he's still in love with his ex boyfriend, even if he knows that everything's other with him, he can't forget him, he feels like he lie to me, and so he broke-up with me. To Sunday for Wednesday, I didn't called him. And Wednesday night, after a river of cry, I went to bed at 22:00. Wake up at 23:00 by msn wizz's sound. That was him. Him : I'm really worried. You didn't call me, i didn't got any news from you. Me : Well, I've supposed that you DON'T WANT to get it for the moment. Him : You're wrong... Are you okay ? I hope you didn't do hurt things, like cut yourself or this kinda things. Me : I didn't. Him : I've wanted to call you so much time... but I didn't dare. I'm such a bastard for you. Me : You're not a bastard, well I don't think so. And we've spoken again for hours, and I've told him that I love him. He was touched, loosing words... I still don't understand : he was happy when he did the travel Luxemburg to Paris, when he was with me... I know that he didn't think about his ex boyfriend on this moment. I guess that he did when he came back to his home, on his own, nervous, thinking and thinking to much, asking advice to his ex boyfriend... who probably did the mess in his head. I'm sure that his ex boyfriend LOVES that situation : Benjamin is alone, and he can fuck each guy that he wants and when he will be alone, he will call back Benjamin. This guys disguts me... Everyone told me that I must be patient if I want that Benjamin comes back... But would he ? Current Location: @work Humeur actuelle: blank Musique actuelle: The Cranberries - Linger

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juillet 24e, 2006

05:26 pm - t.w.i.n.s. Last night I've met for the third time Florent. It's so fuckin weird to see how many similitudes we get from each other... It remembers me time where I've dreamt to have a brother : a brother who would understand me, a brother who would protect me, a brother who would take care about me... I feel like he can be my twin, except that he's not. But each details, each way of think, each taste about everything is the same for both of us. It afraids me and it attracts me at the same time. I guess that I'm gonna see him oftenly, well I hope. But i can't describe it enough to explain you how much it was weird, but nice. Like for the first time, someone understands me. Current Location: @work Humeur actuelle: pensive Musique actuelle: Metric - Poster of a girl

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juillet 21e, 2006

02:13 am Woooh. There's a guy at my job building who doesn't stop to look at me strangely, I guess he's gay, and I find him nice but... fuck, I'm not supposed to date with someone at my office ! Fortunately, he's not working in my company, but just in the same building. I dunno what to do : should i have to tell him to stop, or should I have to commiserate with ? Current Location: @home Humeur actuelle: pensive Musique actuelle: The Pretenders - I go to sleep

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juillet 19e, 2006

10:07 am - s.p.e.a.k.i.n.g.m.y.l.a.n.g.a.g.e.b.a.b.y. Juliette & The licks will be on the Trabendo's stage the 20th of October. I guess that I will take my ticket when I'll get my paycheck. Current Location: @work Humeur actuelle: excited Musique actuelle: Souxie and the banshees - Honk Kong Garden

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juillet 17e, 2006

06:06 pm - d.e.a.d.l.i.k.e.m.e. I've found a new job. I work for a mobile provider, it's a 3 months employment contract but if I work good enough, they would give me a open contract. My colleagues are really friendly, it's the first time that I'm not feeling stressed, or bored, or something else at my work. I'm happy every day to wake up and go to work. And you're gonna be impressed : I never was in late for the moment ! I've discovered a new Show Time called "Dead like me". The story's about George "Georgia", a young college drop-out who has no job skills and seems unable to take an interest in anything, including her own life. She cultivates an air of cynicism that infuriates her mother, baffles her father, and isolates her younger sister. George is about to get a wake-up call. With her mother Joy insisting that she get a job, George applies to a temp agency that sends her out as a file clerk. Her lunch break - and her life - are cut short when a toilet seat from the MIR space station drives her into the pavement. George does not realize that she is dead until Rube, the kindly leader of a team of grim reapers, points out her remains. Rube takes George under his wing and introduces her to the other members of his undead group : Mason, Roxy and Betty. The members of Rube's team of reapers are all, like George, people who died with unresolved issues. They still have lessons to learn that - for one reason or another - they failed to learn in life. They move about the Pacific Northwest in the full light of day. They walk the city streets and eat at all-night diners, just like anyone else. They have to find somewhere to live, cook, eat and do their laundry. They look just like everyone else but as grim reapers they appear physically different to the living than they did when they were alive. What George experiences beyond death is the focus of this darkly comedic series. I've just found myself in George's character. Probably cause I was feeling as she does when i was 18. It seems like I was dead, when I became an adult. All my dreams collapse, I just had to learn how to live by myself, and not through my parents. Grow up should be a kind of death ? Definitely, yeah. As George, I live far away from my family. I don't oftenly see them. It doesn't mean that I don't love them, but it's just that I get a new life, and I still dunno if they belong to, as they did when I was a child. For me, that's my death who wakes me up. And as in that Show Time, if i should get a grim reaper, mine should be Elfie : she saved me. Current Location: At work Humeur actuelle: pensive Musique actuelle: The Organ - Brother

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juin 8e, 2006

04:54 am - s.t.a.r.t.a.n.d.p.l.a.y.a.g.a.i.n. Last week I've bought the new Harry Potter's DVD : the goblet of fire. I was just so ecstatic to get it, at last ! But when I came back home : the DVD was unreadable. FUCK ! So I've bring it back to the FNAC today, they gave me a new one : this one is readable. I've played music with Philippe, a friend of mine who plays bass guitar, but he wasn't fine today so we didn't played a lot. I've met Xavier and I was so BITCHY against him... But I was terribly confused after. Xavier is my ex boyfriend. I've known him last month in a gay rock party. We dated near 2 weeks but he broke up cause he wasn't feeling love about me. He's suffering of vih, but his virus isn't strong enough so he doesn't take meds for the moment. But we keep good feelings, we adore each other, and we're going to find a house to live as housemate with Nico and Mathilde. I guess that my family / friends could be shocked by the fact that I've dated with a positive man, but no need to be worry. But I'm just so in love with him, even if he can't turn back this feeling to me, but I don't care : he brings me so much things who pull me through. Today I'll send my pre-employment project to the RATP (the Parisian tube station company) and try also Macdonald's, H&M or another shop. I pay attention about my money as I'm unemployed for the moment, and it's working, thanks Excel I oftenly have a look on my account. I can't wait the the Parisian gay pride : it would rock ! The gay pride's night with Xavier and other friends of mine will be spend in Popingay's party at Le Divan Du Monde, I guess that we'll have so much fun, and probably drunk too. Weird. This entry is full of bad news, and I'm not sad or hurt : I'm feeling fine. Humeur actuelle: tired Musique actuelle: Metric - Glass ceiling

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juin 3e, 2006

07:19 pm At last I live now in a real flat. Vincent went to his family's house in Saint Etienne and he subleased me his flat with Christophe, a friend of him. For the moment everything's okay except Christophe's dog who did some mess in the flat but this dog start to be quiet, fortunaly, cause I thought that I would be mad ! Xavier went to Marseille see his dad for his birthday, he will be back wednesday, I really miss him, it's awful to see how people that you love can be so fundamental in your life. I'm gonna apply for a work in Mac Donald's cause I really need to find a open ended contract to find our house with Xavier, Mathilde and Nicolas : it's gonna be so terrific to live with them, I love all of them, especially Xavier. He gets this thing who chase my trouble when he's around me. Unfortunaly, i didn't seen my sister in paris cause I was so busy on account of my house moving and seeking for work... I know that she's hold it against me, and I can understand that. I hope that my dad is okay too cause I don't get a lot of news about him, I've called him last week and he told me that he's allright, but I think that I'll see him this month, I miss him. Gay pride day's coming soon and we have to work for our ship, we have so much ideas that we still don't know wich one will be the one that we're gonna choose. I've watched Marie-Antoinette, the new Sofia Coppola's movie and despite of all bad critics that we can hear about it, I really love this movie ! Humeur actuelle: calm Musique actuelle: Sneaker Pimps - Waterbaby

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mars 10e, 2006

05:55 am - (.n.o.s.u.b.j.e.c.t.t.h.i.s.t.i.m.e.). I didn't post for ages. But I have to explain that : I hate post bullshit when I have nothing to tell. So what's new ? I've finish my employment contract at France Billet and I'm really glad about that, cause it sucks, really... Today I've went there to pick up my salary, and they told me "oh sorry, we still don't complete your bank check, call us back Monday". I've answered "Oh you must be fuckin' kiddin' me ??!!!!" because of them, I still didn't pay my rent and charges !! But I've found a new work that I'll start Monday, this one seems to be good, and they'll pay me by week, not by month. I've found a flat that I'll share with a friend in Paris (near Montreuil's area), we'll move at the debut on June, i'm so fuckin happy !! But for the moment i need money as this fucking France Billet's company didn't pay me... I'm gonna help a friend for his new demo, he asked me to record the guitars part, so why not after all... It could be funny. Amandine gives me her guitar, I can't describe how much I was happy and grateful that she did that... I love her. I've called my father 2 weeks ago, I was just worry cause we didn't get news my sister and me. But he seems to be okay. I must see him in Amiens soon. Elfie's gonna move in a new flat too, I think I'll help her to move all her personnals items. I'm off... Humeur actuelle: calm Musique actuelle: Patti Smith - Frederick

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janvier 21e, 2006

12:56 am - t.h.a.t.'.s.w.h.a.t.I.c.a.l.l.a.s.h.i.t.t.y.m.o.v.i.e. Just cause I was bored, I went to Chatelet's theater tonight. "Ermmmm... what should I have to watch ??" My eyes was trying to find an interesting movie when suddenly, I saw Brokeback moutain's poster. Why not after all ? Everybody told that it's an amazing movie, full of passion, a real love story about two guys torn apart by their feelings. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHITTY MOVIE !!! I was so fucking bored... I've tried to hold myself to not sleep, but be sure that it was the hardest thing that I've done in my whole life ! First, the story is just trivial, deceiving. They camp, they hunt, they sleep, they guard sheeps, and after that they're so borin that they fuck. So romantic !!! Second, I didn't really see where is the "passion" in that movie : it's just a question of sex ! Can we call it "love" ? Definitely not. It's just a sex story that people fool into a love story cause it's the first time that they see "real gay men, not faggot one as "Priscilla, queen of the desert"). Sure that we can love butch gay men cause they're not effeminate, but if you meet a drag queen at the street's corner, you have to throw a red brick into his face. fuckers. And the actor is supposed to be straight at the beginning ? You must be fucking kiddin me : they're straight as I am or as Graham norton is !!!! Well, some gay friends of mine told me "you can't understand, you're not enough tender !" Great. A lotta gay people should ADOOOOORE this movie cause "the actors are so gorgeous..." "If that's what always happened when you go there, I'm gonna search on the web where are those mountains !!" Sure, they're so virile, every gays dream of them... (I put a finger in my throat). Hey guys, if you really want to see REAL MEN who touch their balls, try to watch a football match : you will find a lotta guys who's supposed to be straight even if they tweak their arses. So, to come to a conclusion of this "amazing movies who deserve the best awards in the world" : - story as the gay teenage book, sell out in your favorite library, on the "i love you but it's impossible !!!" 's shelf. - Charlize Theron was more persuasive in Monster, but maybe cause a little bit of action was in this movie. Yeah, it works like that in Hollywood : do a love story with some action and crucial moment, it would be more interesting that those two dickhead "if you show me your worm, i will show you mine !!". Humeur actuelle: disappointed Musique actuelle: Le Tigre - Eau d'bedroom dancing

janvier 11e, 2006

08:02 pm - W.o.u.h.o.u. 23... twenty-three... Vingt-trois... Happy birthday to myself !! :P Humeur actuelle: crazy Musique actuelle: Blondie - Atomic

janvier 1er, 2006

11:32 pm - h.a.p.p.y.n.e.w.y.e.a.r. First : happy new year, I hope that 2006 will bring you love, health, and a lotta things who bring you to the way of happiness. I've celebrated it with Christian and Jean-Michel, 2 friends that I knew in September. I start the fans interview for the fanzine, I have to find more Garbage's fan for that so if any fans read my livejournal, leave me a comment if you want to be interviewed. I'll see daddy next week-end, I didn't seen him for ages. This time I'm chatting up with a guy who's called Francois. He lives in Toulouse (south of France) and he's really kind, maybe I'll see him soon, it depends of my paycheck. I don't realize that I'm gonna be 23 next week. Gosh, it sucks. Humeur actuelle: tired Musique actuelle: Babes in toyland - he's my thing

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décembre 26e, 2005

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12:05 pm - X.m.a.s.g.i.f.t.s. My Christmas gifts are : - a DVD player - Harry Potter's 3 DVD package - a beautiful scarf - 2 girdles - 2 books : "American psycho" and "9,99" by Beigbeder - a ticket for La Grande Sophie's gig with Louise Attaque and Maximum Kouette - a Garbage calendar - 3 garbage "sex is not the enemy" stickers - Run baby Run CDS promotionnal - 2 rare Garbage pictures from "Push it" videos Humeur actuelle: working Musique actuelle: Hole - Best sunday dress

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